All of your hard work is greatly appreciated. I realize that you have faithfully delivered the paper equivalent of a small forest to my dental office over the years, and I want you to know that I try to complete the circle of life by putting them all in the recycling bin. I truly believe that before the signatures dried on my original dental license, my name had already found its way to a mailing list of a number of free dental trade publications full of advertisements. We have given up trying to unsubscribe, because like the hydra, lopping one off just produces two more.
I would also like to apologize for any misperception the shiny covers of these publications may have caused about our office or dentistry in general. The truth is that my associates and I have never subscribed to Dr. So-and-So’s secret plan to get all of our patients to embrace their treatment plans and pay for everything with wheelbarrows of cash. Nor, do we limit our practice to attractive women in their twenties with imperceptible dental problems, as all of those advertisement photos would suggest.
Finally, our apologies for all of the reception area magazines that you have delivered, but we have never ordered. Somehow and somewhere in the distant land of Madison Avenue, algorithms have been developed to get us all of the enticement we need to buy more stuff. But, it is hard to imagine how my owning a 14-foot kayak and having an office 100 feet from the Sheboygan River entitles our office to two free subscriptions of Yachting World.